Mike Leach And Bob Stoops Talk About What They're Getting While In Line At Chipotle

Bob: What're you getting?

Mike: Barbacoa.

Bob: Meh, I had it once. Wasn't impressed.

Mike: Dude? Barbacoa is the Lambo of burrito
meats.

Bob: Why do you always refer to stuff as the "Lambo of whatever"?

Mike: I love Lambos. They're awesome.

Bob: They're terrible on gas mileage and there's nowhere to put the groceries.

Mike: That's why I go to Chipotle, chief. I love me some barbacoa. What're you getting?

Bob: Chicken.

Mike: Color me surprised. You wouldn't even try adventurous meat if you were starving. It's always chicken with you.

Bob: So what, I like chicken!

Mike: You know who else likes chicken?

Bob: Who?

Mike: Pansies.

Ten Assumptions About College Football Coaches

1. Tim Brewster sucks at "Operation".

2. Joe Paterno still has actual knobs on his television.

3. When Les Miles slices a tee shot into the woods, he says, "Made it!"

4. Tyrone Willingham puts his Netflix movies back in the mailbox the moment he's done watching them.

5. Tom Amstutz has a running tab at at least fifteen area bars.

6. Mike Stoops is finally starting to doubt himself.

7. Rich Rodriguez purposely "accidentally removes" the expiration date on old coupons.

8. Mark Dantonio wishes Tom Izzo would get out the way. Seriously. Get outta the way!

9. Houston Nutt loves his new office and secretary.

10. Butch Davis will watch any CSI, anytime.

Anthony Scirrotto Critiques Jack Torrance's Door Busting

"When it comes to breaking down doors, I'm a naturalist. I only use what God gave me. I don't like the implementation of axes for door busting. I think it cheapens our sport. I mean, I get it why firemen do it, but even in a matter of life and death, I think you've got two feet and two shoulders, and if that isn't enough to get the job done, then maybe you should think about that. Even aside from the equipment aspect, I think Jack makes a mistake with how much he's using his back. When I bust down a door, it's mainly my lower body pushing my shoulder through the door. Jack has his torque all screwed up in my opinion. What he's not taking into consideration is, yeah, you busted down the door with your axe, but now that you've made it inside, what if there's a scuffle? Your back is shot, and now the tables may get turned. And that's the saddest thing about home invasion--when people bust other peoples' doors down, they don't think about what happens when they get inside. So, yeah, an axe seems like a nice neat way to get into somebody's place, but it's actually fairly impractical. Leave it to Hollywood, though, right?"

Terrelle Pryor On What He Was Thinking When He Saw Hulk Hogan Body Slam Andre The Giant

"I wasn't even born yet."

When You're Jake Christensen, You Don't Have To Rely On Poetry, Which Makes It Kinda Cool When You Do

Something To Keep In Mind When Waiting For Jorvorskie Lane To Try On Some Pants

There's a lot going on in that changing room, man. Pants don't just mold themselves to your thighs on their own. Sometimes they need some coaxing.

And plus, maybe he's having some pizza. You just don't know. So before you start knocking on the door, take a whiff and see if you can detect some pizza. If not, listen for "struggle pulls".

If you don't hear anything and you don't smell anything, you may want to knock at that point because Jorvorskie may have fallen into a slight coma due to bloodflow loss from the pair of 34" waist straight legs that you totally knew should've never come off that shelf.

"He'll never learn", you sigh. But you knew this about him from the start, and you still went pants-shopping with him?

Who never learns?

If You Are Jeff Genyk's New Personal Assistant, Please Read This

Being the personal assistant of Eastern Michigan's football coach may seem like anybody's dream job, but it's not all Skittles and Pepsi--this is hard work! If you're going to be the personal assistant that Jeff wants you to be, you'll need to remember a few things:

*Always check Monster.com and Craig's List for coaching openings. You never know when the guy at Colorado State is gonna get canned.

*Peruse the internet looking for Eastern Michigan message boards. (Note: You may need to create some.)

*If the coffee isn't hot enough to scald, prepare to wear it.

*If Mrs. Genyk calls (either wife or mother), Jeff is at practice or on the phone.

*Never sign for packages; only Jeff signs for packages--so don't even think about it.

*Jeff has OCD, so now you got it too.

*Make sure your wallet is still in your pocket at all times.

*While Jeff is a casual guy, jeans are not permitted in his presence. In fact, denim of all kinds is a no no.

*Eye contact is fine, but you must lose all staring contests.

*Messages must be returned by end of business day, unless intoxicated.

*Make sure your wallet is still in your pocket at all times.

*If he asks, the coolest animal is the leopard.

*If somebody--anybody--from the media calls, FIND JEFF!

If you can do these things, then you really shouldn't have a problem. And Ypsilanti can be beautiful sometimes during the year. Good luck at your new job!

Some New Slogans Unveiled

Throwing is just as good as winning when you suck.

Now with 70% less decided schematic advantage.

Play like you're interested today.

Those who stay will be lonely.

Participate!

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Imperative Survival Tips Should You Come Up Against Rey Maualuga In The Wild

Imperative Survival Tips during a Maualuga Attack

Camping is usually a pleasurable amusement to enjoy the famous outdoors. However, being far from civilization can up thrust the risks of hazard. One of the most feared types of danger during camping is Rey Maualuga attacks. Pestered Rey Maualuga generally does not have the predisposition to seek out and attack humans. But when people intrude on Pestered Rey's territories, Rey can procure aggressive.

Here are some essential tips for survival during a savage Pestered Rey Maualuga attack: When confronted by Pestered Rey, you should trestle on impetus and avoid running. Doing so would make the manage scheme even more that you are prey. Licit Rey quietly and slowly away while keeping eye - to - eye contact with him. It would be neighbourly to keep a Rey Pepper Spray around so that you can use it should the bring name. Procure rid of any food, especially fresh fish. If Rey continues to attack, however be sure to keep your knapsack on to help guard your body from a possible attack. Avoid getting in between a cub and Rey. If you do not have pepper spray or the one you possess fails, dive to the ground, protect your neck with your hands and play dead.

Angry Rey is generally more aggressive than Pestered Rey, so fresh caution is needed when confronted by him. When Angry Rey attacks, stay alert, do not run and / or make brassy noises. If you have bring pepper spray use it as the move approaches. If you have none or the one you own is broken, plunge to the ground and play dead. Angry Rey usually just smells and morsels a little at their catch and cover it with leaves and dirt to reprocess it for following. Angry Rey will most likely do this to you as well, so licit play dead and wait for Angry Rey to leave.

Mountain Lions are different than Rey Maualuga and it is best to fight back instead of playing dead when they attack. Try to kick, punch, and gouge the mountain lions eyes to intimidate it away and cause it to suppose of you as a strong contender instead of prey. Throw wood, rocks, and other injurious objects but be careful when stooping down to gather objects up.

A inhuman animal attack may be very dangerous, but they generally bequeath not come impending you if you do not designate urgency to yourself. As always, it is always boon to avoid than confront when it comes to barbarous animals.

Did You Know That Tommy Bowden Doesn't Shred Unused Acceptance Speeches For Awards He Doesn't Win?

Ten Words of Advice from Mario Manningham If You're Building a Deck

"Ironman didn't need no deck
so Mario don't need no deck."

Pete Carroll's Keys to Awesomeness

1. Awesomeness isn't just a state of mind--it's also the state of your car.

2. Awesomeness can only be achieved if you totally know you're awesome.

3. Dooshiness is next to awesomelyness.

4. Temperance is for the ugly.

5. "Dude" is an acceptable salutation for anybody, dude.

The Most Masculine DVD in Jimmy Clausen's Collection is...

Ten Things To Know About Joe Paterno's Dog "Mitzi"

1. Mitzi doesn't like it when people chase her.

2. Mitzi prefers low-level light while eating.

3. Mitzi doesn't like to be called a mutt.

4. Mitzi is a mutt.

5. Jay Paterno once tried to enter her in a dogshow but kept getting rebuffed at the entrance by
the horse trainers.

6. Mitzi hasn't had puppies in over 15 years.

7. While slightly blind in her left eye, Mitzi is only partially blind in her right eye.

8. Mitzi doesn't eat people food if she can help it because she feels it is demeaning.

9. Mitzi had an advice column in the now defunct "Look!" magazine where she gained fame by advising a 15-year old to have an abortion.

10. Mitzi loves short walks on the beach and pre-chewed dog biscuits.