Taking A Look At Some Of Michigan's 2009 Recruiting Prospects

Jokey Smurf - 0'7" - Can attack a defense in a number of ways as a runner. Perimeter speed to take it the distance on the outside, suddenness and body-tilt to slice through the small creases in-line and deceptive strength breaking tackles.





Lazy Smurf - 0'7.5" - Moves well for a big man and can cause problems between the tackles. He's a solid tackler. Has adequate short-area change-of-direction skills. Best long-term fit may be offensive tackle.





Grumpy Smurf - 0'6.75" - Strong and reliable tackler who runs through ball carriers; can deliver the big hit as well with his size and closing burst. However, he does play high at times with little bend in his pedal, is susceptible to the double move in off-man and true recovery speed could be tested in college.



Hefty Smurf - 0'7" - Hefty is a physically impressive athlete who shows great ability in all three phases of the game and at this time may be a better overall football player than a skilled positional prospect. He is tall, rangy and athletically-built





Greedy Smurf - 0'7.5" - He is not real tall but is compact, strong and has great body composition for the position. Runs patiently with good vision through the hole.






Brainy Smurf - 0'7.25" - Runs low to the ground, with excellent body control allowing him to slide through small run creases without losing much in transition. Very dangerous when he gets in space with his elusiveness.





Vanity Smurf - 0'7" - Tends to dance at times instead of hitting up inside with great urgency when finds a downhill seam. Will have trouble consistently bouncing and cutting laterally versus faster pursuing defenders at the next level.





Farmer Smurf - 0'8" - He is a mammoth player with a nice wingspan. He plays both ways in high school and, depending on a college team's needs, could wind up on either side of the ball at the next level.

Commentary: Rich Rodriguez Hates The Traditions! Get Away From The Traditions!

As you may or may not know, since Rich Rodriguez was hired by Michigan, he has made it his duty to reform the University of Michigan football team in his image. Because of that, many of the traditions that have become...um...tradition...at Michigan may be getting pushed aside.

But where will it stop? When will it stop? Will it stop?

As an avid follower of college football since ESPN told me to be, I consider myself a traditionalist, and I don't like to see any traditions being discarded.

Rodriguez trying to give the #1 jersey to a defensive back is a slap in the face to everything guys like Tyrone Butterfield stood for as a #1 wearer. Do you think Butterfield sees the framed #1 jersey that hangs next to his Murphy bed and thinks, "It's too bad defensive players can't wear this?" Of course not!

And how do you think former captain Mike Hart feels about rotating captains? I bet he thinks it sucks! How are rotating captains going to know how to lead their team to victory as well as proven, established captains like Mike Hart, Jake Long and Shawn Crable can? They can't! (Of course, Chad Henne might have liked the idea, considering he finally would have gotten a chance to be a captain. Maybe)

Top Five Sandy-Blonde Heisman Candidates For 2008

1. Todd Reesing, QB Kansas. I'm sure in a better light, Reesing's hair would be even blonder--but you cannot deny the sandiness.

2. James Laurinaitis, LB Ohio State. He would probably be at the top of the list had he not shaved his head. Still, as it stands, his hair has enough of a body of work to warrant this placement.

3. Curtis Painter, QB Purdue. All you need to know about the level of sandy-blonde goodness at the top of this list is the fact that despite sandy-blondeness covering the top, bottom and sides of Curtis Painter's head, he's only good enough for third.

4. Colt McCoy, QB Texas. He only makes this list because he'll be out in the sun all summer long and his sandyness will eventually gleam with yellow gold. If he had an aversion to the sun, however, he'd never even sniff this list.

5. Sam McGuffie, RB Michigan. In Rich Rodriguez's new offense, McGuffie will have plenty of time to stand on the sidelines soaking up rays as his team goes three and out for three and a half hours at a time. And that's during peak sun time.

Those who did not make the list, but were sort of close...but not really.

Stephen McGee, QB Texas A&M. You don't get a real sandy-blonde with highlights. Lack integrity much, Stephen?

Drew Weatherford, QB Florida State. Yeah, everything about Weatherford's floppy skull-tassles screams "sandy-blonde goodness", but you still gotta be able to play. Sorry, Drew.

Jevan Snead, QB Ole Miss. Waaaaay too Ginger-y.

Jimmy Clausen, QB Notre Dame. This list is for "Sandy-Blondes", not "Dandy-Blondes".

Jake Christensen, QB Iowa. Yes, you probably have the epitome of "sandy-blonde goodness", but you're struggling to beat out Ricky Stanzi. I don't care if your first name is "Sandy", you're middle name is "Blonde" and your last name is "Goodness"--you're not making this list if you can't beat out Ricky Freaking Stanzi!

Hey Womper, I Heard Your Sister Married That Weird Guy That Works At Kroger

Nickie: Hey Womper, I heard your sister married that weird guy that works at Kroger.

Womper: Hey man, that's my brother-in-law you're talking about.

Nickie: I'm just saying. The dude is creepy. He's always trying to smell me.

Womper: I know. He tries to smell me too, but I kind of have to show some type of loyalty to my sister, you know?

Nickie: I understand. It's just that I'm not always in the mood to be smelled.

Womper: Yeah, me neither. He's not always like that though. And as long as you're not a stray cat, the dude is totally harmless.

Nickie: The dude is a freak! Gary, c'mon, tell him!

Gary: Sorry guys, I'm gonna have to plead the Fifth on this one because I love smelling people too.

Michael Hart On What It Was Like Growing Up With The Nickname "Rudy Huxtable"

"It sucked. But it eventually stopped when Rudy grew a gut and I didn't."

Ten Assumptions About College Football Coaches

1. Tim Brewster sucks at "Operation".

2. Joe Paterno still has actual knobs on his television.

3. When Les Miles slices a tee shot into the woods, he says, "Made it!"

4. Tyrone Willingham puts his Netflix movies back in the mailbox the moment he's done watching them.

5. Tom Amstutz has a running tab at at least fifteen area bars.

6. Mike Stoops is finally starting to doubt himself.

7. Rich Rodriguez purposely "accidentally removes" the expiration date on old coupons.

8. Mark Dantonio wishes Tom Izzo would get out the way. Seriously. Get outta the way!

9. Houston Nutt loves his new office and secretary.

10. Butch Davis will watch any CSI, anytime.

Ten Words of Advice from Mario Manningham If You're Building a Deck

"Ironman didn't need no deck
so Mario don't need no deck."