In Order To Ensure Joe Paterno Will Healthily Make It To The Season Opener

He has been frozen in carbonite. He will be thawed in time to monitor summer practices from home.

Point/Counterpoint: Should Penn State Add A "Tear Tattoo" To Their Helmets

Today, safety Anthony Scirrotto and linebacker Sean Lee will debate whether or not Penn State should have a "tear tattoo" put on their helmet. Anthony Scirrotto will start us off.






Hellz yeah we should!






I can't believe we're co-captains.

Ha. You're crazy man. But seriously, this would be awesome.

I think you guys should do it.






Aw yeah! That's what I'm talking about!






Don't you see that with a tear tattoo we'd just be perpetuating the stereotype that we're all thugs here?





Exactly!





We like your thinking.





Hey guys, if I could just jump in here...I think Mr. Scirrotto isn't taking into account what can happen when your name is tarnished due to the actions of others. I don't blame Sean Lee for valuing his image. Sometimes, it's all we have. And when it's gone, your life changes. Look at me...I can't even get into my usual "clubs" anymore.

You better shut your mouth right now, Frogger.

See? This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about! We're not all like you, Anthony!

So what? You think you're better than us? Man, I will cut you...

I didn't say I was better than you. I just don't think everything needs to be settled by cutting people. That's kind of the point of "Point/Counterpoint", don't you think?

Man, let's smoke this joker!

Word!

Who needs a knife?

I'm just a boy in a cat costume who got caught in the crossfire.

Alright you kids, stop goofing around. We've got practice.

Ten Assumptions About College Football Coaches

1. Tim Brewster sucks at "Operation".

2. Joe Paterno still has actual knobs on his television.

3. When Les Miles slices a tee shot into the woods, he says, "Made it!"

4. Tyrone Willingham puts his Netflix movies back in the mailbox the moment he's done watching them.

5. Tom Amstutz has a running tab at at least fifteen area bars.

6. Mike Stoops is finally starting to doubt himself.

7. Rich Rodriguez purposely "accidentally removes" the expiration date on old coupons.

8. Mark Dantonio wishes Tom Izzo would get out the way. Seriously. Get outta the way!

9. Houston Nutt loves his new office and secretary.

10. Butch Davis will watch any CSI, anytime.

Anthony Scirrotto Critiques Jack Torrance's Door Busting

"When it comes to breaking down doors, I'm a naturalist. I only use what God gave me. I don't like the implementation of axes for door busting. I think it cheapens our sport. I mean, I get it why firemen do it, but even in a matter of life and death, I think you've got two feet and two shoulders, and if that isn't enough to get the job done, then maybe you should think about that. Even aside from the equipment aspect, I think Jack makes a mistake with how much he's using his back. When I bust down a door, it's mainly my lower body pushing my shoulder through the door. Jack has his torque all screwed up in my opinion. What he's not taking into consideration is, yeah, you busted down the door with your axe, but now that you've made it inside, what if there's a scuffle? Your back is shot, and now the tables may get turned. And that's the saddest thing about home invasion--when people bust other peoples' doors down, they don't think about what happens when they get inside. So, yeah, an axe seems like a nice neat way to get into somebody's place, but it's actually fairly impractical. Leave it to Hollywood, though, right?"

Ten Things To Know About Joe Paterno's Dog "Mitzi"

1. Mitzi doesn't like it when people chase her.

2. Mitzi prefers low-level light while eating.

3. Mitzi doesn't like to be called a mutt.

4. Mitzi is a mutt.

5. Jay Paterno once tried to enter her in a dogshow but kept getting rebuffed at the entrance by
the horse trainers.

6. Mitzi hasn't had puppies in over 15 years.

7. While slightly blind in her left eye, Mitzi is only partially blind in her right eye.

8. Mitzi doesn't eat people food if she can help it because she feels it is demeaning.

9. Mitzi had an advice column in the now defunct "Look!" magazine where she gained fame by advising a 15-year old to have an abortion.

10. Mitzi loves short walks on the beach and pre-chewed dog biscuits.