Top Five Sandy-Blonde Heisman Candidates For 2008

1. Todd Reesing, QB Kansas. I'm sure in a better light, Reesing's hair would be even blonder--but you cannot deny the sandiness.

2. James Laurinaitis, LB Ohio State. He would probably be at the top of the list had he not shaved his head. Still, as it stands, his hair has enough of a body of work to warrant this placement.

3. Curtis Painter, QB Purdue. All you need to know about the level of sandy-blonde goodness at the top of this list is the fact that despite sandy-blondeness covering the top, bottom and sides of Curtis Painter's head, he's only good enough for third.

4. Colt McCoy, QB Texas. He only makes this list because he'll be out in the sun all summer long and his sandyness will eventually gleam with yellow gold. If he had an aversion to the sun, however, he'd never even sniff this list.

5. Sam McGuffie, RB Michigan. In Rich Rodriguez's new offense, McGuffie will have plenty of time to stand on the sidelines soaking up rays as his team goes three and out for three and a half hours at a time. And that's during peak sun time.

Those who did not make the list, but were sort of close...but not really.

Stephen McGee, QB Texas A&M. You don't get a real sandy-blonde with highlights. Lack integrity much, Stephen?

Drew Weatherford, QB Florida State. Yeah, everything about Weatherford's floppy skull-tassles screams "sandy-blonde goodness", but you still gotta be able to play. Sorry, Drew.

Jevan Snead, QB Ole Miss. Waaaaay too Ginger-y.

Jimmy Clausen, QB Notre Dame. This list is for "Sandy-Blondes", not "Dandy-Blondes".

Jake Christensen, QB Iowa. Yes, you probably have the epitome of "sandy-blonde goodness", but you're struggling to beat out Ricky Stanzi. I don't care if your first name is "Sandy", you're middle name is "Blonde" and your last name is "Goodness"--you're not making this list if you can't beat out Ricky Freaking Stanzi!